Last week, I posted Want to be free from French fries? Or, why abstaining may be easier than you think.

The comments were so fascinating that I want to post some follow-up questions to you Abstainers and Moderators out there. (If you need to catch up on the whole abstainer/moderator split, or figure out what category you’re in, read here.)

I’d love to hear your responses:

If you’re in a relationship with someone who’s in the other category, how do you manage it? Conflict around this issue seems to be a common source of tension within couples.

If you’re a moderator, do you have a general sense of what is “moderate,” or do you follow rules that you’ve set for yourself? Examples of rules might include “I’ll have one small square of excellent chocolate at lunch every day” or “I never eat dessert at home but do order dessert in a restaurant.”

If you’re an abstainer, do you abstain narrowly or broadly? E.g., do you abstain from the chocolate-chip-and-butterscotch cookies served every afternoon at work, or do you abstain from sugar? I’m a broad abstainer not a narrow abstainer, myself.

Moderators: Would you say that having a little bit of something makes you want it less? Abstainers, would you say that having a little bit makes you want it more? I definitely want things more when I have them; when I don’t have them I don’t want them.

For both categories: Do you find temptation to be a matter of availability–or not really? Do you have trouble managing temptation only when an item is right there in the cupboard, or would you just as readily go out and buy that tempting thing? I’m very swayed by availability. Follow up: do you consider a restaurant to be a place where something’s very available or not available? For me, the hurdle of making a purchase makes something far less available than when it’s freely available (this is true even though the added purchase is just added to the main meal, so no more difficult to pay; illogical I know). Probably part of my under-buyer mentality.

For both categories: Do you find yourself trying to convince other people to resist temptation the “right” way? For instance, might you say, “You should learn to eat moderately,” “You should go cold-turkey,” “You shouldn’t be so rigid with yourself,” “You shouldn’t keep that stuff in the house,” “You’ll just fall off the wagon and stuff yourself later, if you try to be so strict.”

Consider Some Hard Facts about Shared Work

Today’s resolution suggests that you “Consider some hard facts about shared work.” One common source of conflict in relationships (at least in my relationships): Who should do what. Considering these facts about shared work may help you gain insight into ongoing arguments and resentment.

Did any of these facts help you think differently about struggles within your relationships?

Were you able to put that insight to use, and did it make a difference to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

Yes, yes, when the lark soars; when the sheep, moving a step or two onwards, crop the turf, and at the same time set their bells tinkling; when the breeze first blows, then dies down, leaving the cheek kissed; when the ships on the sea below seem to cross each other and pass on as if drawn by an invisible hand; when there are distant concussions in the air and phantom horsemen galloping, ceasing; when the horizon swims blue, green, emotional–then Mrs. Jarvis, heaving a sigh, thinks to herself, “If only some one could give me…if I could give some one…” But she does not know what she wants to give, nor who could give it to her.

–Virginia Woolf, Jacob’s Room

I love the work of Virginia Woolf so much that I almost can’t bear to read it. Do you ever have that feeling?

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If you’re thinking, “Oh darn, I missed seeing Gretchen talking to Matt Lauer on the Today show,” well, you’re in luck!

Get Enough Sleep

Today’s resolution suggests that you “Get enough sleep.” You may be thinking, “What does sleep have to do with relationships?” A lot. Being well-rested will make it a lot easier to be patient, energetic, light-hearted, and tolerant. And that will make a big difference to your relationships.

Most adults need at least seven hours of sleep. Are you able to turn out the light at a decent hour?

Does getting enough sleep contribute to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

Ask for a Favor

Today’s resolution suggests that you “Ask for a favor.” Perhaps surprisingly, asking for favors, advice, for help (as long as the request isn’t too onerous) is one way to make people feel closer to us.

If you tried this resolution, did it come naturally, or did it feel forced?

Did it make a difference to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.