One of my resolutions is to Treat myself like a toddler. I’ve found that much of the advice aimed at children is just as helpful for me.

For instance, I’m reading Nicole Malenfant’s Routines and Transitions: A Guide for Early Childhood Professionals (non sequitur:  a surprising name for a childhood expert). She lays out several strategies for teachers to use in establishing routines and transitions for children. I’m going to try to apply them to myself.

Here’s a tips list, loosely adapted:

1. Turn routines into games. My evening tidy-up, while not quite a “game,” is kind of fun and quite relaxing.
2. Control the level of noise. I’m much calmer when there’s no TV or music playing in the background.  (Except at night. Weirdly, my husband and I fall asleep to all-news radio.)
3. Organize space so it’s attractive, well organized, and well lit. One of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: Outer order contributes to inner calm.
4. Plan times each day for relaxing activities. Why is this so hard for adults?
5. Encourage a feeling of belonging, e.g., by displaying children’s work and pictures. I have a resolution to Cultivate a shrine.
6. Consider children’s reactions when making an unavoidable change. I do better with routines and predictability. I don’t react well when there’s a sudden change in the schedule.
7. Balance indoor and outdoor activities. Just going outside into the sunlight gives a mood boost.
8. Make sure there’s plenty of time to get things done without rushing. This makes a huge difference in my day-to-day happiness. In Happier at Home, I write a lot about my struggle to create an unhurried atmosphere at home.
9. Provide opportunities for curiosity and creativity.
10. Speak in a calm voice. This is a big issue in my home. We talk all the time about “a kind voice,” “a mean voice.”
11. Explain the behavior you’d like to see in a clear, respectful way. Not “Settle down,” but “Sit in your chair with your feet under your desk.” Not “I could use a little help around here,” but “Please unload the dishwasher so we can get the dirty dishes out of the sink.”
12. Meet people’s basic needs. Children and adults need to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, rest, and spend time outside.

It’s such a cliche to say that “I learned everything I need to know in kindergarten,” but I find that sometimes the most basic ideas are quite effective.

What would you add to this list? What lessons from nursery school?

 

I love to vote. It gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and participation. If I get nothing else done today, at least I voted. (Not only that, I’ve been to the gym!)

Also, writing Happier at Home has made me more attuned to the feeling not only of “home” but also of “neighborhood.” Voting is always a great neighborhood experience for me.

When I walked into my polling place (a school), I spotted my husband, who was just about to vote–great timing for me, because he could tell me the number of our election district, and save me a long wait to find out that information. Once in line, I met the grandmother of a girl in my older daughter’s class, and a woman who heard me speak last night at the Yale Club. When I signed the voting register, I saw my mother-in-law’s name on the same page as mine (we live around the corner from my in-laws, and I mean right around the corner). It was a very friendly neighborhood experience.

Hurricane Sandy has done so much damage here in New York City, and the voting process has been affected as well. Polling places aren’t available, machines don’t work, electricity is out, and so on.  Many people will have a lot of trouble voting.

I felt so full of gratitude when I voted. Gratitude for my neighborhood and for my country. Gratitude for electricity and democracy. These elements of my life are so easy to take for granted, and yet play such an important part of my daily happiness.

How about you? How do you feel about voting?

I live in New York City, and the destruction in this region wrought by Hurricane Sandy is devastating. So many people’s homes and  neighborhoods and entire towns were destroyed, and many more people can’t get basic necessities. It’s overwhelming to think about the amount of work that needs to be done to put things right–and to guard against this kind of disaster in the future.

I’m awed by people’s resiliency in the face of such circumstances. Watching the news last night reminded me of one of my favorite passages in all literature, from Winston Churchill’s history of the Second World War, Their Finest Hour, about the events of 1940.

Churchill recounts a visit he made to a very poor London neighborhood that had just been bombed during the Blitz:

Already little pathetic Union Jacks had been stuck up amid the ruins.  When my car was recognised the people came running from all quarters, and a crowd of more than a thousand was soon gathered.  All these folk were in a high state of enthusiasm.  They crowded round us, cheering and manifesting every sign of lively affection, wanting to touch and stroke my clothes.  One would have thought I had brought them some fine substantial benefit which would improve their lot in life.  I was completely undermined, and wept.  Ismay, who was with me, records that he heard an old woman say:  “You see, he really cares.  He’s crying.”  They were tears not of sorrow but of wonder and admiration.

Tears not of sorrow but of wonder and admiration.

I’m very sorry to say that I’m retiring the Happiness Project Toolbox. It was so much fun to create and run–but the web changes very fast, and the Toolbox is several years old now, and very creaky. It needs a major overhaul, and when I looked at what changes should be made, I realized that the whole thing should be revamped. And just to keep it running reliably, as is, would be enormously demanding, in terms of both time and money.

I know many of you have used it, so I’ve hesitated a long time before deciding to end it. But it’s time. Alas! I apologize for any inconvenience that arises for you.

The last day will be November 30, 2012, so if you want to make copies of any of your entries, you have until the end of the month.

There are lessons from happiness here. My resolutions such as Abandon a project and Enjoy the fun of failure are meant to remind me that if I want the time and mental energy to experiment and create, I have to allow myself to end projects, fail at projects, and abandon projects. I find this very, very difficult. Sheesh, I have trouble not finishing a bad book once I’ve started it.

 

 

Thank you! A thoughtful reader sent me the link to a terrific website, CityofWordsDC, that tracks quotations in Washington, D.C.

He pointed out this post, which shows that my favorite quotation from Dr. Johnson, which I used as an epigraph and theme in both Happier at Home and The Happiness Project, is inscribed over the main face of Union Station in Washington, D.C. (Such an inscription is also called an “epigraph,” by the way.)

“He that would bring home the wealth of the Indies must carry the wealth of the Indies with him.”

I lived in Washington during two periods of my life. The first time, I lived in a group house on Capitol Hill. The second time, I worked at the Supreme Court, which is on Capitol Hill. So I went through Union Station constantly, but somehow never noticed this quotation.

Or maybe I did, and that’s why it resonates so deeply with me now; perhaps it has been brewing in my subconscious for years.

I continue to find this line is very powerful, mysterious, and thought-provoking. It’s one of my personal koans. (For a list of more koans, and a definition if you’re thinking, “Huh? What’s a koan?” look here.)