Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

This Wednesday: 5 tips I just used to help myself feel more calm.

I started this morning feeling overwhelmed–not in a bad way, but still overwhelmed. I just got back from traveling to Toronto on my book tour. It was a lot of fun, and I was thrilled to get the chance to do it, but traveling–and being out of my routine–always rattles me.

I found out I made a mistake in something I wrote. It was fixed, but it always rattles me to discover that I made a mistake.

I found out I have to review a document in a short period of time. It won’t be hard, but it always rattles me to have a short deadline. (This is one reason I’ve never been a journalist. I hate deadlines.)

There have been some changes to my daughters’ schedules. Nothing major, but it always rattles me to have to juggle the calendar.

So…I’m a bit rattled. I’m very happy to be back home, and to make sure that I keep this happy feeling, instead of allowing myself to become short-tempered (highly likely), I ran through some of my easier tips for staying cool.

1. I took ten minutes to clean up my office. Getting paperwork under control makes me feel more in control of my life generally.

2. I made a list. Now I don’t have to worry about forgetting something important, plus I get the morale-booster of being able to cross off items.

3. I took a few minutes to be silly with my daughters. Acting light-hearted makes me feel more light-hearted, and seeing them in a good mood lifts my spirits.

4. I ranted for a few minutes to my husband, then got a big hug. I probably would feel better if I’d skipped the rant, and just focused on the hug, but sometimes I have to rant a little bit.

5. Plan to exercise. I always feel calmer when I exercise. In fact, that’s probably the main reason I exercise. (Here are some tips if you have trouble prodding yourself to exercise.)

How about you? What strategies do you follow if you need to calm yourself down–in a hurry?

Each week, I post a video about some Pigeon of Discontent raised by a reader. Because, as much as we try to find the Bluebird of Happiness, we’re also plagued by those small but pesky Pigeons of Discontent.

This week’s Pigeon of Discontent, suggested by a reader, is: “I get distracted when I work from home.”

 

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…

Problem with procrastination? Try this: Do nothing.

7 tips for avoiding procrastination: Without delay is the easiest way.

Have you found any good strategies for getting work done at home–or for fighting distractions, generally? It’s hard, and it seems as though it’s getting harder all the time.

You can post your own Pigeon of Discontent at any time; also, from time to time, I’ll make a special call for suggestions.

You can check out the archives of videos here. It’s crazy–my YouTube channel has passed the mark for one million viewers.

Last week, Brené Brown’s new book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Work,  Parent, and Lead, hit the shelves. I couldn’t wait to read this book, because I’m such a fan of Brené’s work (and of Brené herself).

The book fascinated me for many reasons, and I took notes throughout, but one passage particularly stuck with me—on the phenomenon of “numbing.”

By numbing, Brené means any activity that we use to numb our feelings so that we don’t experience vulnerability—but by numbing ourselves to vulnerability, we also numb ourselves to love, belonging, creativity, and empathy.

I was particularly intrigued by the list of numbing activities. Anything that “takes the edge off” is a numb-inducer. Wine, drugs of all sorts, being “crazy-busy,” fantasy football, sugar, email…the list goes on and on.

Brené connects this desire to numb with a feeling of anxiety powered by shame.

“Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we’d be able to handle everything. Numbing here becomes a way to take the edge off of both instability and inadequacy. [Also,] Feeling disconnected can be a normal part of life and relationships, but when coupled with the shame of believing that we’re disconnected because we’re not worthy of connection, it creates a pain that we want to numb.”

Brené points out that the same activity could be numbing for one person, and energizing and truly comforting to someone else. Watching TV can be a numbing activity, or an engaging activity. Working, eating, drinking wine…how do they make you feel? The same activity can be numbing at one time, engaging at another. We must look closely at ourselves, to know.

Do you have any activities that you use to numb yourself? I try to watch for the bad trance state. Often I go into good trances, but they are nothing like bad trances.  From my own experience, and from what I hear from other people, watching TV, cruising the internet, and eating are the most common bad trance inducers.

Mindfulness, always mindfulness! Thinking about happiness always brings me back to the issues of self-knowledge and mindful action.

“Whatever liberates our spirit without giving us mastery over ourselves is destructive.”

– Goethe, Maxims and Reflections

Agree or disagree? What liberates your spirit without giving you mastery over yourself? Among other things, I mostly gave up drinking.

I have to admit, I love every book I’ve ever written. A writer friend said to me in a commiserating tone, “Don’t you hate looking back at your books? I do!” and I thought, “No, I’m my own biggest fan! I love my books.”

But of all my books, Happier at Home is my favorite. It’s my best book. It certainly has the best ending I’ve ever written—and endings are my specialty. I love the ending to this book.

Now, you might think, “I’ve read The Happiness Project. What else can Gretchen Rubin have to say? Maybe it’s just a re-hash.” Nope! I thought about this very carefully as I was writing. Even if you’ve just finished reading The Happiness Project last week, Happier at Home will be fresh—unfamiliar ideas, new information, more stories. Where The Happiness Project goes wide, Happier at Home goes deep. Plus: photos!

Of course, it might be of special interest to anyone particularly interested in “home”: college or grad students, recent graduates, empty-nesters, newlyweds, new parents, people who have just moved, people overwhelmed with clutter, people who feel like they have no leisure, single people, people with spouses and/or kids, people with health issues…hmm, looks like that covers just about everyone! Because the fact is, for most people, home is a very significant element of their happiness.

Also, you might think, “I read Gretchen Rubin’s blog.  C’mon, how much does she have to say?” But a book is very, very different from a blog. Ideas can be presented and developed in much richer ways. I can tell longer, more interesting stories. I can be funnier (well, I try to be funnier). Also, I think a book is more likely to inspire you to make changes in your own life than a blog.

I so appreciate the kind words from everyone who has already finished Happier at Home (gold star for speediness!). I’m thrilled to hear that it’s resonating with so many people. If you’ve read it, you might enjoy the Behind-the-Scenes video or the Behind-the-Scenes extra (email me to request it). It was so fun to do these–I’d never done anything like this before. Yes, you can know the true story of “artisanal pickles.” All is revealed.

I know many book groups are reading Happier at Home, and the one-page discussion guide is ready; it’s also aimed at spirituality book groups, Bible study groups, and the like. Email me to request it.

Thank you, dear readers, for your enthusiasm, ideas, and support. You make me very happy.