One of the most exquisite of pleasures, and one that’s too often overlooked, is the joy of giving well-deserved praise.

I’m a gold-star junkie myself, and maybe that’s why I love the opportunity to give good praise.

Yesterday, I was able to do this. In the New York Times Book Review, I wrote about Kristin Cashore’s new book, Bitterblue. As I’ve often noted, I love children’s literature and young-adult literature, and Cashore is one of the best YA novelists writing today. I’ve been a raving fan since I read the first two books in this trilogy,  Graceling and Fire.

It gave me such tremendous happiness to sing the praises of someone whose work I admire so much, and to help other readers find their way to it. My concluding paragraph:

Some authors can tell a good story; some can write well. Cashore is one of the rare novelists who do both. Thrillingly imagined and beautifully executed, “Bitterblue” stands as a splendid contribution in a long literary tradition.

So true.

My sister and I often talk about the karma police. The karma police! When they’re on the job, nothing’s better than seeing their activity, but all too often, they appear to be off-duty.

Sometimes, we don’t get the praise we deserve; our hard work and good deeds aren’t rewarded; our efforts are fruitless. By giving merited praise, we can at least help make sure that others’ labors get recognized. And that’s a big source of happiness.

Years ago, on the day that a college friend was getting married in a quite elaborate all-weekend kind of way, we were all hanging out before the ceremony. An elegantly wrapped package arrived and was delivered to my friend’s mother. She thought perhaps it had been mis-addressed, but when she opened it, it was a beautiful nightgown, with a note from her best friend that said: “To the mother of the bride, who has worked so hard to make this day perfect.” A lovely gesture.

How about you? Do you find that calling attention to others’ merits boosts your happiness?

Further Secrets of Adulthood:

Last week, I posted a question: What are the small treats you give yourself?

I was very interested to see the range of “treats” people identified in the comments, and I got some good ideas for myself.

I do think it’s important to take time for treats, because treats help us to feel energized, restored, and light-hearted. Without them, we can start to feel resentful, depleted, and irritable. My younger daughter has “Choice Time” every day in first grade, and I think we adults need some “Choice Time” ourselves, at least occasionally.

However, in identifying treats,  I wonder if other people face the same challenge that I often face: making time for those treats.

People listed treats like rollerblading, making bread, and a hot bath–all great treats, for the right person, but they take some time and energy to set up.

In my case, one of my favorite treats is reading children’s and young-adult literature. Right now my stack includes Diana Wynne Jones’s Dogsbody, Robin Hobb’s Assassin’s Apprentice, and Betty Smith’s A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (which I’ve read several times, but not for years). Nevertheless, I find myself saving these books for a “treat,” and instead, reading a lot of books for work. (Really, this is also a treat, because I love my subject so much, but it’s not the same level of treat). I remind myself: Read for fun! Make time for the treat! That’s what makes me happy.

I also remind myself of my personal personal commandment to Spend out. Don’t “save” those books, but enjoy them now, make time for them.

But while this is an issue for me, I was happy to see commenters suggest many treats (I’ve add them to my own list) which don’t take extra time or energy. Using a beautiful hand-soap, opening a bottle of vanilla, lighting a candle, petting a dog–well, I don’t have a dog, so I’ll have to  substitute family members. It’s nice to have several of these treats on hand, so you can give yourself a little lift, even when you can’t go rollerblading.

How about you? Do you ever struggle to make time for your treats? Do they keep slipping to the bottom of your to-do list? I’ve vowed to make time to treat myself.

Every Friday’s post proposes a resolution for you to consider for your own happiness project.

Happiness interview: Hugh MacLeod.

Hugh is a cartoonist with a wildly popular blog, gapingvoid. He is the master of capturing a large idea in a single drawing, and a great deal of his work focuses on happiness: how to find happiness in work; how to have the courage to be yourself, do what you love, and take risks; how to build a life around your own values, interests, and temperament.

He has a new book, Freedom Is Blogging in Your Underwear, where he explores how blogging, and the intellectual and creative freedom it gives him, changed his life.

Having a blog isn’t the right route to happiness for everyone, of course.  But zoikes, it’s a thrilling tool. And his book is really about how to think big for yourself and the possibilities that the internet offers.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Hugh: Besides being with my loved ones, the most important and happiest part of my daily routine is finding that quiet, solitary one- or two-hour window in the day that belongs to nobody else but myself. That is where the magic happens. It’s almost like prayer, only more fun and proactive.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
That happiness without a good work ethic is pretty impossible. I guess I always knew that intuitively, but back then I still equated happiness with “Leisure” and “Party” way too much. That being said, being young and stupid was an awful lot of fun, for a time.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Trying to do too much at one time. It took me years to learn to lighten up and delegate, even half properly. Luckily, I now have a great team, including Jason Korman, my fantastic business partner and business manager.

When I lived in New York, I was surrounded by people (and I was just as guilty of this) who were running around like crazy–jobs, parties, lovers, art galleries, gym, shopping, museums, restaurants, bars, personal drama, the whole nine yards. Not only was it exhausting, very few of us actually managed to get that much interesting done in the end. We were too busy trying to keep up with our peers; it was definitely quantity over quality. Again, a good but expensive  lesson.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself that “Outer order contributes to inner calm.”)
“Unhappiness is overrated.” Even from a young age, it always surprised me how far people will go in order to justify their own unhappiness. “I’m totally screwing up my life and the life of others around me for no good reason, and it’s all for THE BEST!!!” Yeah. Right.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (mine is reading children’s books).
I’m rarely blue these days, however… when it does happen, I remind myself that I’ve actually put the hours in, that my work is good and that what blessings I have are already MORE than enough for any lifetime. Constantly wanting more and more ALL THE TIME is just vanity, is just the devil paying tricks on you.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I think people easily forget that that genuine happiness begins with genuine kindness and compassion for others, begins with genuine grace and graciousness. It’s a surprisingly difficult and painful lesson for us all.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy – if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?

I was miserable for a long time career-wise, till I figured out exactly what I was good at and how to effectively put it into practice. In retrospect I’m not sure how smart that was, but mea culpa, live and learn. Luckily, I always saw my unhappier phases as temporary, I always thought I’d win in the end.

Is there some aspect of your home that makes you particularly happy?
Ana, my girlfriend’s cooking, Yum! Living in a genuinely loving home, however dorky and low-key, is SO preferable to the alternative, I have no words.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa.

I once thought that a flashy, big-city, alpaha-male job in an advertising agency would make me happy. Not only was I wrong, it didn’t even pay THAT well, considering how much blood, sweat, toil and tears it exacted. It was a VERY expensive and painful education.

Though I heartily recommend a quiet, low-key, productive daily routine (at least if you want to lead a creative, artistic life, that is), I’m still glad I had a few fun, wild’n’crazy years beforehand. The trick is to not let the latter carry on too long after its sell-by date.

Oh, I’m a gold star junkie. I always want to see those gold stars stuck to the top of my homework. I crave praise, appreciation, recognition.

I’ve done a lot to combat my craving for gold stars (here are 5 tips for dealing with feeling unappreciated). I also try hard to give other people the gold stars they deserve. As my mother once told me, “Most people probably don’t get the appreciation they deserve.” Like my own mother!

But it’s not always easy to dole out those gold stars in an effective way. Here are 7 tips:

1. Be specific. Vague praise doesn’t make much of an impression.

2. Find a way to praise sincerely. It’s a rare situation where you can’t identify something that you honestly find praiseworthy. “Striking” is one of my favorite fudge adjectives.

3. Never offer praise and ask for a favor in the same conversation. It makes the praise seem like a set-up.

4. Praise process, not outcome.This particularly relevant with children. It’s more helpful to praise effort, diligence, persistence, and imagination than a grade or milestone.

5. Look for something less obvious to praise – a more obscure accomplishment or quality that a person hasn’t heard praised many times before; help people identify strengths they didn’t realize they had. Or praise a person for something that he or she does day after day, without recognition. Show that you appreciate the fact that the coffee’s always made, that the report is never late. It’s a sad fact of human nature: those who are the most reliable are the most easily taken for granted.

6. Don’t hesitate to praise people who get a lot of praise already. Perhaps counter-intuitively, even people who get constant praise – or perhaps especially people who get constant praise – crave praise. Is this because praiseworthy people are often insecure? Does getting praise lead to an addiction to more praise? Or – and this is my current hypothesis – does constant praise indicate constant evaluation, and constant evaluation leads to a craving for praise?

7. Praise people behind their backs. The praised person usually hears about the praise, and behind-the-back praise seems more sincere than face-to-face praise. Also, always pass along the behind-the-back praise that you hear. This is one of my favorite things to do!

Also, because the way we feel is very much influenced by the way we act, by acting in a way that shows appreciation, discernment, and thoughtfulness, we make ourselves feel more appreciative, discerning, and thoughtful. And that boosts happiness.

Have you thought of any other good ways for giving people praise? Are you a gold-star junkie, yourself?