Happiness interview: Conor Grennan.

I met Conor Grennan at a book event in Canada—he was there for his book, Little Princes: One Man’s Promise to Bring Home the Lost Children of Nepal, and I was there for The Happiness Project.

Conor’s book—which came out in paperback this week—tells an amazing story. At age 30, when he was volunteering at an orphanage in Nepal, he realized that the children there weren’t orphans, they were trafficked. He put himself on a mission to reunite these lost children with their families, and he managed to get many of them back to their families, after years of separation, fear, and privation. He also founded Next Generation Nepal, an organization that continues to help trafficked children.

That day, we had a chance to talk only for a few minutes, but I could tell that Conor had many interesting things to say about happiness, so I was very pleased to get the chance to interview him.

What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Knowing that I have one small routine every day that makes me happy. No matter how busy I am, I always take lunch off (or at least 30 minutes, anyway) to mindlessly chill out. I love that.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
That there’s never a real “This is my last time to do this!” I thought college was my last time to have fun. I thought post-college was my last time to take that big European trip. I thought before my son was born was the last time to really travel. None of these things turned out to be true.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Checking email too often.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be polite and be fair.”)
“Will I look back on this when I’m 50 and be proud I did this?” (I imagine that age will increase as I approach it.) It’s what made me move to Prague when I was 21, then Brussels when I was 28, then go around the world when I was 30, then move to Nepal when I was 31. I thought my 50-year-old self would think those things were pretty cool.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (mine is reading children’s books).
I go see my kids—3 years old and 8 months old. Nothing cheers me up quicker.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I’ve never seen somebody come back from exercising in a bad mood.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy, if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
Taking bold decisions, or setting a goal that seems too hard and reaching for it, those things make me much happier.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
Yes! I thought volunteering would definitely not make me happy. In fact, it not only made me overwhelmingly happy, but it made me so happy that I altered the course of my life to put make helping kids in Nepal at the center of it.

I’ve never known anybody who has volunteered internationally to not say it was one of the best things they ever did. Getting involved with people and kids that you can actually help is one of the things that’s made me the happiest.

* My latest obsession is color, and I’ve had fun cruising around Colour Lovers. I love the internet! Fodder for every obsession.

* Looking for a good book? Please consider The Happiness Project (can’t resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller).
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.

I’ve heard from many people who have tried to buy the Happiness Project Page-a-Day calendar—only to see it listed for astonishing prices. Yes, it’s listed for $7,055.00 on Amazon. Crazy!

Here’s the situation. The calendar was selling for $15, but it sold out. Once online retailers ran out of stock, third parties who saw unmet demand began to push up the price. That’s why those prices are so outrageous.

Workman, publisher of the calendar, reports that Barnes & Noble stores (not online, actual stores) do have stock, so if you want to buy a calendar, try there. Workman is also checking on other possible sources of stock, and I’ll report back if I hear anymore about that.

Courtesy of Workman, I myself have eleven calendars, and one calendar is all I need. I’m going to give away my ten extra copies—$70,000 value! Hah.

If you’d like to be eligible, email me your name and mailing address at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com sometime in the next 48 hours. I’ll choose ten names at random and mail a calendar to you. (U.S. and Canada only.)

Every Wednesday is Tip Day or Quiz Day.
Quiz: Are you a moderator or an abstainer?

In honor of many people’s New Year’s resolutions—”Eat more healthfully,” “Cut out sweets,” “Lose weight,” and the like—I’m re-posting this quiz, to help you determine whether you’re a moderator or an abstainer. When I figured out that I’m an “abstainer,” it helped me tremendously in terms of eating better.

Often, we know we’d have more long-term happiness if we gave up something that gives us a rush of satisfaction in the short-term. That morning doughnut, that late-night ice cream.

A piece of advice I often see is, “Be moderate. Don’t have dessert every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, you’ll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan.”

I’ve come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the moderators. They do better when they try to make moderate changes, when they avoid absolutes and bright lines.

For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation—and failing. Then I read a line from Samuel Johnson, about drinking wine: “Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.” Like Dr. Johnson, I’m an abstainer.

I find it far easier to give something up altogether than to indulge moderately. When I admitted to myself that I was eating my favorite frozen “fake food” treat, Tasti D-Lite, two and even three times a day, I gave it up cold turkey. That was far easier for me to do than to eat Tasti D-Lite twice a week. If I try to be moderate, I exhaust myself debating, “Today, tomorrow?” “Does this time ‘count?’” etc. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self-control.

For instance, we keep a bag of cookies in our cupboard. If I ever ate one of those cookies, they’d prey on my mind constantly. I’d constantly struggle not to eat them. But because I’ve never once eaten one of those cookies, I never think about them. I don’t have to use any will-power not to reach into that bag. It might as well be a bag of flour.

When I told a moderator friend about this, she shook her head pityingly and said, “That’s just sad. Really. Life is too short not to have a cookie.”

“No,” I answered, “for me, life is too short to use up my precious mental energy on a few cookies. I’m happier if I don’t eat them.”

There’s no right way or wrong way—it’s just a matter of knowing which strategy works better for you. Once again, back to the Fifth Splendid Truth: you can build a happy life only on the foundation of your own nature. If moderators try to abstain, they feel trapped and rebellious. If abstainers try to be moderate, they spend a lot of mental energy battling their temptations.

You’re a moderator if you…
– find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure—and strengthens your resolve
– get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing something

You’re an abstainer if you…
– have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
– aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits

People can be surprisingly judgmental about which approach you take. As an abstainer, I often get disapproving comments like, “It’s not healthy to take such a severe approach” or “It would be better to learn how to manage yourself” or “Can’t you let yourself have a little fun?” On the other hand, I hear fellow abstainer-types saying to moderators, “You can’t keep cheating and expect to make progress” or “Why don’t you just go cold turkey?” But different approaches work for different people. (Exception: with an actual addiction, like alcohol or cigarettes, people generally accept that abstaining is the only solution.)

Does this ring true for you? Do you identify as a moderator or abstainer?

* Yesterday, I joined Pinterest, “an online pinboard to organize and share the things you love.” I’d heard so many good things about it, and am just starting to dive in myself.

* Would you like a free, signed bookplate for your copy of The Happiness Project, or as a gift? Or, for the audio-book or the e-book, a free signature card? Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

The 2012 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2012 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2012 a happier year — and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge — welcome! Each week, I post a video about some Pigeon of Discontent raised by a reader. Because, as much as we try to find the Bluebird of Happiness, we’re also plagued by the Pigeons of Discontent.

This week’s Pigeon of Discontent, suggested by a reader, is: “I can’t make myself exercise.”

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
12 tips for getting regular exercise — and the benefits for happiness and fitness.
Prediction: will you stick to your exercise program?
Quiz: are you a likely exercise drop-out?

I hope you enjoy the new format. It’s still evolving, so bear with me while it’s taking shape.

You can post your own Pigeon of Discontent at any time; also, from time to time, I’ll make a special call for suggestions.

If you’re new, jump in right now, sign up here. Studies suggest that by taking action, like signing up for this challenge, will help you keep your resolutions. For the 2012 Challenge, each week I’ll post a video for you to consider, and you can check out the archives of videos here.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
– On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click “Edit Subscription” and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or…
– Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
– Log in to iTunes
– Go to “Podcasts”
– Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

Introducing the 2012 Happiness Challenge! Join here, any time! Each week this year, I’ll post a video about some Pigeon of Discontent that a reader has raised in the comments. Because, as much as we try to find the Bluebird of Happiness, we’re also plagued by the Pigeons of Discontent. These aren’t the major happiness challenges that we face, but rather, those little nagging problems that settle into roost.

I’m constantly surprised by what a big happiness boost I can get from small changes. As Samuel Johnson wrote, “It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.”

In this video, I explain more about the 2012 Happiness Challenge.

Introduction to Pigeons of Discontent

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
What’s your Pigeon of Discontent?
The “negativity bias,” or, bad feelings are stronger than good.
A “little thing” (very little) that makes me happy: the gift bag.

I hope you enjoy the videos. You can post your own Pigeon of Discontent at any time; also, from time to time, I’ll make a special call for suggestions.

If you’re new, jump in right now, sign up here. Studies suggest that by taking action, like signing up for this challenge, will help you keep your resolutions. For the Challenge, each week I’ll post a video for you to consider, and you can check out the archives of videos here.

* I spend way too much time reading Maria Popova’s Brain Pickings—”Curating eclectic interestingness from culture’s collective brain.”

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
– On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click “Edit Subscription” and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or…
– Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
– Log in to iTunes
– Go to “Podcasts”
– Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.