Happiness interview: Kelly Corrigan.

Kelly Corrigan is a writer well-known for her books, The Middle Place and Lift, and also from her YouTube video, Transcending, which has been viewed more than 4.75 million times.

She writes a lot about the challenges of life, small and large—from ordinary, day-to-day issues to major challenges such as her fight with cancer. I was very interested to hear her thoughts on happiness.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Kelly: Walking outside, preferably with my dog, ideally with the dog and a friend.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
It comes, it goes, it comes back.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Eating and drinking too much. Short term highs vs. long term satisfaction—still tricky for me.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”)
Things happen when you leave the house. Also, make yourself useful doing something hard with good people (video).

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
Reading with the girls. I always know that’s time well spent and a lot of my anxiety is around wasting time.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
Catalogs. Don’t look at ‘em. Big time suck. Wish lists take up brain space better used on something more promising.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy—if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
Was really down one summer before I met Edward. Panic attacks, lifeless, etc. I went to see a great therapist named Priscilla Marquis in San Francisco. Helped a lot. Also read a book I liked called The Feeling Good Handbook.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Keeping track of moods—what’s driving them—how to recreate them.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.

As audacious as it may seem to contradict venerable figures such as John Stuart Mill, Flaubert, or Sartre, I disagree with some of their views about the nature of happiness.

Flaubert: “To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.” I argue that this is Happiness Myth No. 1: Happy people are annoying and stupid.

Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.” Heartily disagree. My Fourth Splendid Truth is “I’m not happy unless I think I’m happy.” Or as Eugene Delacroix wrote, “He was like a man owning a piece of ground in which, unknown to himself, a treasure lay buried. You would not call such a man rich, neither would I call happy the man who is so without realizing it.”

Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”

Sartre: “Hell is other people.” [Actually, hell is other people, but heaven is other people, too.]

Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”

Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.” My Eighth Splendid Truth is “Now is now“; it means many things, but among other things, it reminds to remember the happiness that is here and now.

John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” [I reject this statement, but I would agree "Ask yourself whether you are happy on a scale from 1 to 5, and you cease to be so." For me, at least, trying to make those kinds of tricky judgments diminishes happiness—I find it very difficult to answer a question like that—while the simple question, "Am I happy?" contributes to happiness.]

How about you? Do you agree or disagree with these theories?

* I found a lot of great material on Greatist.

* The holidays are coming. For your consideration: The Happiness Project (#1 New York Times bestseller). Buy early and often!
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year — and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge — welcome! Last month’s theme was Gratitude, and last week’s resolution was to Remember the dog that doesn’t bark. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

For the last month of this year, instead of tackling a theme, I’m going to discuss a question: What is the key to happiness? That’s a question that can be answered in different ways, depending on what framework you use to address the issue of happiness. The resolution for each week will reflect that week’s answer.

This week’s answer to the question, “What is the key to happiness?” is: Strong relationships.

Build Strong Relationships(1)

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
8 tips for maintaining friendships.
Bob Dylan helps me recognize a paradox of happiness.
8 tips for making friends.
Be happier: kiss more, hug more, touch more.

How about you? Do you agree that strong relationships are the key to happiness? What steps do you take to build or strengthen your ties to other people?

If you’re new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I’ll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* I always love to visit Dan Pink’s blog. He is unfailingly interesting.

* My whole family loves Page-a-Day calendars, so it was a real thrill for me to do The Happiness Project Page-a-Day Calendar. Check it out!

I’m always gratified when I learn that one of my Secrets of Adulthood reflects not merely my idiosyncratic experience, but also has some science behind it.

For instance, one of my Secrets of Adulthood is: Most decisions don’t require extensive research.

I came up with this Secret of Adulthood to remind myself not to squander my time and energy on decisions that don’t matter very much.

Over the weekend, I read a short piece about a study that showed that “Decisions that are complicated but trivial…cause an inordinate amount of wasted time and unhappiness.” The researchers call this “decision quicksand” because we can get sucked in, and drown, in these trivial choices.

Surprisingly often, I need to remind myself not to spend too much time on relatively unimportant decisions. Even though I don’t want to spend my time and energy this way, it takes a considerable amount of self-awareness and self-control to resist the temptation.

The satisficer/maximizer split seems relevant here. As Barry Schwartz explains in his fascinating book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, there are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, “satisficers” is a word) make a decision once their criteria are met; when they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision; even if they see a bicycle that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option.

Studies suggest that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. They find the research process exhausting, yet can’t let themselves settle for anything but the best.

I’m a satisficer, and I often felt guilty about not doing more research before making decisions. In law school, one friend interviewed with fifty law firms before she decided where she wanted to go as a summer associate; I think I interviewed with six. We ended up at the same firm. Once I learned to call myself a “satisficer,” I felt more satisfied with my approach to decision-making; instead of feeling lazy and unconscientious, I could call myself prudent. Now I can also remind myself not to get sucked into “decision quicksand” for decisions that don’t deserve that much attention.

Do you find yourself spending too much time and energy on unimportant decisions? The internet can make this problem worse, because information seems so limitless.

* There’s a very thought-provoking post about introverts and happiness over on Susan Cain’s The Power of Introverts blog.

* Get a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning — sign up for the Moment of Happiness. I love quotes! Subscribe here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

“It is impossible to win the great prizes of life without running risks, and the greatest of all prizes are those connected with the home.”
—Theodore Roosevelt, Autobiography

* I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of “home,” because the subject of my next book is—you guessed it, home. If you’d like to be notified when Happier at Home is available, sign up here.